Category Archives: funny

He nice, the Borat.

I had no idea Borat was in town! He came to a rodeo in Salem last year to piss off the crowd, and the scene has made it into the new Borat movie. You can see parts of the scene in the new theatrical trailer for the movie.

Rodeo in Salem gets unexpected song rendition

“I hope you kill every man, woman and child in Iraq, down to the lizards,” he said, according to Brett Sharp of Star Country WSLC, who was also on stage that night as a media sponsor of the rodeo.

An uneasy murmur ran through the crowd.

“And may George W. Bush drink the blood of every man, woman and child in Iraq,” he continued, according to Robynn Jaymes, who co-hosts a morning radio show with Sharp and was also among the stunned observers.

The crowd’s reaction was loud enough for John Saunders, the civic center’s assistant director, to hear from the front office. “It was a restless kind of booing,” Saunders said.

Full story

The Filthy Mind Detector

From the instruction manual of the Play-Doh Creativity Table we got for Iris for her birthday:

fuzzy pumper

Birfday!

Iris turns three tomorrow, and I came across a “dictionary” of words we started to help translate some of her utterings when she was around two years old:

“shower” = “SHAW-woo”
“flower” = “FLAW-woo”
“blueberry” = “BOO-bay-bay”
“spider” = “sphh-EYE-doo”
“swing” = “sphwing”
“i’m stuck” = “i suck”, or “suck this” (stuck this)
“finger” = “fucka” (funny to hear her say that after one of us tickles her)
“elephant” = “opposite” or “off-o-zit” (no idea why)
“mine” = “mine”, “mines”, or “MY-comb” (we still haven’t figured this one out)
“coos” = “blue’s clues”
“tip” = “trip”
“strawberries” = “stawberries”
“coffee” = “coffeez”
“underwear” = “underpoos”
“diaper change” = “diapoo chain”
“biscuit” = “biksit”
“look!” = “luke!”
“hungry” = “hong-ree”
“elephant”, “opposite” = “off-is-it”

There are probably more that we forgot to write down. She changes so quickly that a lot of these little observations get lost in time. It is amazing how quickly she’s gone from her one-word sentences to more elaborate communication.

Jon should be a movie critic

When he says things like this, I wonder if he wasn’t born to be a movie critic instead of a software engineer:

It’s better than the last one, but that’s like saying getting stabbed in the eye by a clean sharp knife is better than getting stabbed in the eye by an old rusty knife.

How to make friends on the Fourth of July

Thanks, Chris, for this video find.

You coppers can’t keep me locked up forever, see? Myeah! Myeah!

Our friends Jon and Kate tried to take their son Iain to the Mill Mountain zoo yesterday, but were asked to leave the mountain because this happened:

A Japanese monkey aptly named Oops bolted from the Roanoke city zoo, sparking a park-wide shutdown as staff searched the surrounding forest where they could hear her in the trees.

Full article.

Friday Funnies For the Fourth

Another collection of utterly brainless fun. Internet TV has shriveled my brain.

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Borat trailer. Sacha Baron Cohen, famous for Ali G, in his new role as a hilarious Kazakhstani TV personality.
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Angry British Telecom customer. “And I mean PHYSICALLY!” This guy must be related to Winnebago man.
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Unintentionally suggestive cartoon on a gameshow.
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“Monkey Gland Sauce”. From the excellent Kooky Chow collection of bizarre foods. Among its features is our old favorite, pork brains in milk gravy.
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A terrifying message from Al Gore. And for some reason in the YouTube comments there is a debate about homosexuality, relgion, and science. Like millions of other social web sites. Wisdom of the masses indeed.
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Comcast technician sleeps on customers couch. Customer service!
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The Colbert Report – Gravitas match with Stone Phillips. Watch as esteemed journalists battle.
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The Colbert Report – Gravitas rematch with Stone Phillips. Colbert attempts to reclaim his Gravitas crown.
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Blooper: Man breaks precious item on TV. See? Playing with it CAN break it.
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Pee and Poo toys. Made from cuddly polyester, and… well… who knows.
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Evil Japanese prank show – Toilet from hell. This is what happens when you combine public toilets and elevators.
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Evil Japanese prank show – Spa from hell. I suppose liability lawsuits are an American invention.
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Cell phone striptease. Much better than a lousy textmessage.
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Transformers teaser trailer. Yes, the live-action Transformers movie by Michael Bay. The 80s will live forever! The teaser doesn’t show much – the movie isn’t going to be out until some time next year.

Friday funnies

Since I am lazy and unoriginal, I will regurgitate some funny and interesting things I’ve come across recently –

Bush insults a blind reporter
Connie Chung’s career suicide musical send-off
Classic video games re-animated with everyday items
I Feel Great (Nutri-Grain commercial) Ooongfph!
Amazing two-guitar performance of Super Mario Brothers theme music
Folgers Happy Morning commercial (brings to mind vague images of the Oompa Loompas in psychedelica)
Rollin’ with Bob Saget (“I got a trigger finger itchier than chicken pox”)
William Shatner vs. George Lucas (Star Trek and Star Wars fans may find this video of Shatner singing to Lucas amusing)
Hilarious “brush up on your English” commercial
Reporter vs. Snake (it’s old but still hilarious)
Amazing Wushu broadsword performance

And for you software techies out there, The Daily WTF is one of my new favorite feeds. Great anecdotes showcasing instances when software development goes ever so terribly but amusingly wrong. This collection of funny dialog boxes is a great intro to the site.

Another fun finding this week was Sternest Meanings, a web- and instant-messager-based anagram generator that produces consistently good results. Some funny examples:

  • Leonardo Dicaprio: Periodic anal odor.
  • Osama Bin Laden: A damn alien S.O.B.
  • Condoleezza Rice: Crazed ozone lice.
  • Fatboy Slim: My fat boils.
  • Angelina Jolie: I join anal glee.
  • Kevin Federline: Fiend-like nerve.
  • War on Terrorism: Warrior monster.
  • Leonardo Da Vinci: Vindaloo and rice.

From Clint:

  • George Bush: O, he buggers!
  • George W. Bush: He grew bogus.
  • Donald Rumsfeld: Muddler of lands.
  • Saddam Hussein: UN’s said he’s mad.
  • Ann Coulter: Unclean rot.
  • Colin Powell: Low, nice poll.
  • Taliban: Bit anal?

Reminds me of the good ol’ days when Jerry and I would sit in class creating our own anagrams and palindromes by hand. That’s just how cool we were!

A cry for help

While looking for pizza places in the phone book at the Outer Banks beach house last week, we found this:

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The help line is apparently named after the sound you make when you’ve had too much alcohaaaaaal. I also like the wording: “24 Hour Abuse Access”. For those odd hours when you just gotta have some abuse.

Interestingly, a Google search yields many listings with this misspelling.

McSweat

Apprently hell froze over and McDonald’s started giving out exercise videos to their customers. I ordered my greasy breakfast this morning in the drive through and got handed this DVD:

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Take a careful look at “Maya”, the personal trainer. She’s a 3D computer image; not even a real person! Which makes the following screenshot even more ridiculous:

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The image is vaguely South Park-esque (you know, the episode with Cartman and the alien probe).

Can you believe they are bundling these videos (there are four in all) with so-called “Adult Happy Meals”?

happy

Gah! Water and salad will never give me the same level of happiness as the 50,000 calorie McGriddle stomach-paver!