The toddler adventures continue. Iris was enjoying a fine slice of deli ham, and her nose started to run, as it had been pretty much all day. Sitting in another room, I hear Kathryn in the kitchen saying “Iris, wipe your nose. Iris, wipe your nose!” A few moments pass, and then Kathryn yells:
“NO, NOT WITH HAM!!”
These are things you never expect to say. Ever. But I’m willing to bet that a million other parents have repeated the same words at one time or another.
Posted in funny
Our after-dinner treat tonight was discovering that Iris had left a massive turd on the dining room floor. Our response:
“It had a delightful, full-bodied aroma of toddler chow. Now I will pant in your vicinity.”
I’d be more compelled to comply with U.S. signage if they were this pleasant to read! Imagine: haiku speed limit signs. Road safety unfurls like the beautiful lotus petals.
Posted in funny
Funny resume/interview stories that Josh found on TotalFark a while back:
This guy’s a team player:
I was going to post snippits from resumes I’ve recieved, but I decided against it. The best I’ve ever gotten:
Burger King
* Ringing register
* Flipping burgers
* Doing what my manager told me to do
And I’m not even kidding.
Too honest:
On a side note, I saw a resume the other day for a guy who minored in “Alcohol and Substance Abuse”. Didn’t we all…
Some people, like Josh, can get away with cursing during the interview. But not this guy:
We were interviewing college kids for paid internships at my old job (computers/engineering). One guy kept using the F-word DURING THE INTERVIEW. Maybe he used it during everyday conversation, don’t really care, but he couldn’t seem to stop for even the 30 minutes we talked to him.
Unintended wording:
We got one here for a secretary position where the applicant proudly proclaimed that she “exceeded every deadline given”
She can sling it, literally AND figuratively:
We got one from a woman who had been out of the workforce for five years while raising her kid. These words should never, ever be placed in a resume: “If I can clean poop, I can work for you!” We interviewed her anyway, and she wasn’t very bright.
Career-limiting emanations:
Once, while interviewing a candidate an unpleasant smell crept into my office. She asked me, “Is that my feet?” It was. Funny thing is that she looked great on paper.
Posted in funny
That look is Bill Gates’ reaction to a hilarious dig by the inventor of control-alt-delete, who at a gathering at the twentieth anniversary of the IBM PC said this:
I may have invented control-alt-delete, but Bill (Gates) made it famous.
Here is a great video of this moment.
A good answer to this logical trap is:
“Yes, and then he would lift it.”
(thanks to Clint for the quote)
I recently switched to Calendarhub, an online calendaring app, so I could access my calendar from any machine. Last week I found the following appointment had been entered for me for an upcoming Saturday morning:
Milk and/or shave a goat.
When I saw that my first thought was, did someone hack into my online calendar? But then it dawned on me that Kathryn found my open browser window and entered the appointment on my behalf.
At least I get to choose between milking and shaving. Goats can be moody you know. Though I’m guessing a shaved goat is easier to milk, unless she’s insecure about the whole bald thing.
Posted in funny, meaningless
Kathryn saw one of these today:
Now THAT’S good marketing! Anthropomorphic turds make the BEST mascots!
Posted in funny
Oh, sweet Lord.
Apparently the Aussies are crazy for David Hasselhoff, too. Enough for Pepsi to take notice with this ad campaign.
Is it a joke? A career? A joke wrapped inside a career? A career wrapped inside of a joke wrapped inside of a career??? (more evidence here)
It spins my noodle.
Posted in funny
